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Supporting adoptive parents through tricky times
Adoptive families often face unique challenges, especially during periods of adversity or emotional upheaval. As a social worker, your support can make a significant difference in helping families navigate these tricky times with resilience and compassion.
Children who have experienced early developmental trauma can express their insecurities, fears and sometimes terror in ways which can feel hard to understand and hard to respond to as a parent. How hard it is to manage when children are hitting, biting or shouting. A parent’s thinking brain may be able to make sense of why this is happening, but it is still hard to experience.
Throughout the year there may be times or events that are particularly difficult and could be a trigger for a child. For instance, direct contact or letterbox exchanges can be a point when emotions are running higher in the household, and this is really understandable and usual.
Additional stresses on parents such as financial pressure, changing or vanishing support network, lack of support from school/health and relationship breakdown can mean it is extra hard for parents to remain regulated themselves. Post Adoption Depression is common in families in the early months/years.
When facing difficult times, focussing on the parent’s needs as well as the child’s is important.
Action planning for tough times
- Encourage proactive planning: Support families to develop an action plan for inevitable tough times. This could involve “bunkering down” or reaching out for support.
- Self-awareness: Help parents tune into their own wellbeing and recognise signs of burnout.
- Normalise parenting trauma: Remind families that dips in wellbeing are a normal part of parenting, especially in adoption, and planning ahead can help them cope. Share resources on Post Adoption Depression.
Promoting self-care
- Redefine self-care: Emphasise that self-care isn’t just about big gestures like spa days, it can be small, everyday acts (e.g., reading with a cup of tea, connecting with another parent, being kind to oneself).
- Encourage realistic self-compassion: Support parents to be gentle with themselves and to accept that everyone makes mistakes.
Applying PACE principles to parents
- Playfulness: Encourage parents to find moments of lightness and humour, even in tough times.
- Acceptance: Help parents accept their own feelings and challenges without judgement.
- Curiosity: Guide parents to reflect on their emotional responses and family dynamics.
- Empathy: Support parents to show empathy towards themselves, recognising the emotional impact of their child’s struggles and their own experiences.
- Remind parents: Applying PACE to themselves first enables them to offer therapeutic, PACEful responses to their children.
Building a Social Support System
- Combat isolation: Encourage families to reach out to friends, relatives, and other adoptive parents for support, advice, and connection.
- Promote support groups: Suggest attending adoptive parent support groups for validation, shared experiences, and practical ideas.
- Highlight professional help: Remind families that it’s okay to seek personal therapy or specialist support if needed. Provide information about local services and support lines.
Key messages for Social Workers
- Validate the family’s experiences and emotions.
- Model and reinforce self-care and PACE principles.
- Help families build and maintain their support networks.
- Signpost to appropriate resources and specialist services as needed.