This National Adoption Week, we’re celebrating the ‘perfectly imperfect’ homes that make adoption possible, with this year’s campaign: A Welcome Home.
The campaign aims to inspire more people to consider adoption by challenging the myth that you need a ‘perfect’ home to adopt. It highlights what truly matters: love, stability, and a sense of belonging.
Here are some stories which have been kindly shared by One Adoption families from across the region.
Bob and Ben’s adoption story
Bob and his late wife adopted their son Ben over 23 years ago when Ben was 14 months old. Here is their story:
“My late wife and myself decided to adopt after we discovered that we couldn’t have children. Adoption was suggested to us by our gynaecologist and immediately seemed to be a lovely idea.
“We went to a local authority adoption meeting and decided to go ahead with adoption, and although the training and vetting seemed somewhat protracted and at times a little irksome we stuck with it until after about a year we were offered a 14 month old boy who we instantly fell in love with.
“Our little boy had attachment issues and mild ADHD, but as my wife was a special needs teacher we were able to deal with any issues along with the valuable help of the looked after children team. Throughout his time at school he had an education and health care plan, which proved invaluable as academia was not his strongest point. He was and is, however, a very practical, independent and active person, which we always encouraged with plenty of extra curricular activities like sailing and mountain biking.
“Unfortunately when our son was five my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and we all had to deal with this until she passed away when he was fifteen.
“He is now 25, and the intervening years have been difficult for both of us at times, but throughout this time he has lived at home whilst working a variety of manual jobs, and after learning to drive at 18 has discovered an affinity for driving all sorts of vehicles, so is now training for his HGV driving licence.
“Throughout all this I’ve never, ever regretted adopting him, and my proudest and most emotional moment came recently when, after meeting his birth father for the first time, he told me I was, and always will be, his real dad.”
Sally’s story
Sally adopted her daughter Charlotte 13 years ago, when Charlotte was 5 years old.
This is her story:
“I was at an age where I had a good career, my own house, but I was on my own. I knew I wanted a child and a few times thought I didn’t want to find someone too late in life. Adoption just seemed the answer. I still went on to meet someone, but I made my own choices. I didn’t need to worry, I had what I knew I wanted. When people ask me, I normally say that you have to create your own future, make things happen yourself.
“I probably thought about making that initial call a hundred times and thought about how I’d tell my parents and friends. The thought was definitely worse than the reality. It seemed to take an age for things to start - it wasn’t long at all. The anticipation is the worst bit.
“I’m reflecting now 13 years on from that initial call and it feels like it was a breeze for what you get from it. In reality, at times it does feel intrusive and you have to consider things you probably don’t think about very often. I don’t think the process is difficult and you move at the pace you want to move. When it feels a little intrusive you have to remember a
vulnerable child deserves that checking and double checking as they can’t be let down twice... That for me kept it all in proportion.
“I won the adoption lottery in just about every single way. I could not have been luckier. There have been some difficult times, some real challenges, but that’s just being a mum - adopted or not. Adoption does not define us; it is not what we are. We are mother and daughter and that comes with challenges. You can overthink things, but every parent has
challenges - sometimes ours are just different. Would I change a thing... nothing!
“I don’t know if adoption has inspired us - it is what made us, but rarely something we consider. We are proud of it, we don’t talk about it often as it’s just how it started, but we all know the difference it can make to a whole family. Adoption made my parents grandparents, it made my sister an aunty and they could not have been happier either.
“Everyone will see adoption differently and that in itself is something to remember it doesn’t look the same for everyone so don’t judge yourselves by others you meet on the way, plough your own furrow, in your own time.
“As a single adopter of an older child, my biggest piece of advice is to be honest to yourself, know what you want and can manage. Consider the older children - they are just that - children.
“Make that first call, send that first email, don’t overthink it. Everyone wants adoption to be a success, so everyone you meet along the way is there to help and the processes are designed to get it right.”
Charlotte’s story
Charlotte is 18 years old and was adopted when she was five by single adopter Sally.
This is her story:
“I started my adoption journey when I was five when I was taken from school to a random building. I spent a year in foster care where, to start with, I wanted to stay, but when I found out I was going to be adopted I was excited but scared. Almost 12 years later, I have a regular family who I know loves me loads and we are really close. My family will always be the most important thing in my life. I am who I am because of my family.
“Adoption means a second chance to me, and it changed my life for the better. I am lucky because I have had so many opportunities I wouldn’t have had. Adoption is not something I ever really think about because for me, I have a family and it’s just like how my life was meant to be. It was probably hard at times adjusting, but I don’t really remember tough times, I’ve just grown up like all my friends have.
“I would tell anyone that is worried about adopting that although it is hard, you should do it. The highs are for children like me, we get a family that want us and love us. It can be hard for us too, especially if you are a little bit older when you are adopted, as we can remember some things: but when you have a regular, stable life and your own family, these things don’t really matter anymore.
“I would like more people to consider adoption and hope that I can give people confidence it can work.
“The advice I would give to people thinking of adopting, and adoptive parents, is don’t pressure the child you adopt to talk about it, they will speak about it when they’re ready. My mum adopted me on her own. It always seemed normal to me, so don’t be afraid if you are on your own. Don’t overlook the older children who need adopting, children are children and we want a fresh start; we want to make it work.”
"Don’t overlook the older children who need adopting, children are children and we want a fresh start; we want to make it work.” - Charlotte, adopted young person
Katie and Dan's story
Katie and Dan adopted their daughter Alex through early permanence nearly two years ago, here is their story:
“We started our adoption journey after failed IVF and fertility problems. The process for us began about three years ago. Our little girl, Alex, will be two in November and has been with us since she was four days old after she came to us through early permanency. Although we found the process long at times, we now fully understand why each stage needs to happen and that patience is key.
“Adoption to us is everything!
“Without it we would not have our little girl who immediately became our world. It is life changing and without a doubt the best decision we ever made.
“Our main advice would be to trust the process and take it step by step. It can feel overwhelming but There are people help you at every stage.
“We have just started the process to adopt for a second time so it can’t be that scary!”
"It can feel overwhelming but there are people help you at every stage." - Katie, adopter
Claire and Mark's story
Claire and Mark started their adoption journey in 2012 when they welcomed their 10 and a half month old son in to their lives. Four years later they took the leap again, and adopted their daughter through the Early Permanence route, who joined them straight from hospital.
Claire says “Family life is full on, sometimes frantic, sometimes frustrating but there is also lots of fun!
“When we welcomed our two small children home, we didn't really know what they would enjoy! They both love crafting, so the house is always full of pens and creations. We like to give creative gifts to family! One loves the trampoline and the other swing ball, so the garden is a noisy place to be. We can just about play a game with no cheating so enjoy lots of board games, though sometimes they're not as fun as we would hope!”
Jono’s story
Jono and his partner adopted Ben when he was 18 months old, and his sister Jodie two years later – the children both share the same birth mother.
This is their story:
“After talking to family on a holiday about having children, we chose adoption as the path we wanted to follow. We went along to an information evening, got loads of information and talked to the social workers. We registered our interest in adoption, and then had a home visit.
“We found the assessment process thorough and thought provoking but worth it all in the end as you get to provide a happy, safe and permanent home for a child. We understood the social workers wanted to ensure we both appreciated the kind of problems or issues children could arrive with, and that we in turn could offer secure attachment to them. They want to find the right family for the child as well as the right child for you.
“We have a really close relationship with our social worker who probably knows more about us that our friends and family do!
“Once we were approved it took a while for us to be matched with the right child. We found it really helped to be open and keep the communication between us going. We also spent time researching and reading. When we were matched it all happened quite quickly.
“Our son became part of our family when he was 18 months old. We were so lucky to have a great network of family and friends around us and there was huge support from our social worker, and this really helped us through some of the more anxious times.
“We thought at the time, ‘Would we adopt again?’ The answer was yes, one hundred per cent! Our son brought our relationship to a new level.
“Two years later we adopted his sister when she was 12 months old. I thought it was going to be tough having two, but we felt a lot more relaxed. Our daughter slotted in fine; it felt like she’d always been there.
“My advice is, if you’re thinking of adoption go for it! We did and we have the family we always wanted.”