De-escalation guidance

De-escalation guidance for local authority social workers supporting adoptive families

Supporting adoptive families often involves helping them navigate challenging behaviours and emotional escalations. The principles of de-escalation, rooted in Non-Violent Resistance (NVR), can be invaluable in these situations. Below is practical guidance for social workers to use in their direct work with adoptive families:

1. Recognise escalation patterns

• Observation is key: Encourage parents to reflect on what happens before, during, and after incidents of violence or harmful behaviour. Understanding these patterns is the foundation for effective intervention.
• Types of escalation: Help families identify whether they are experiencing:
  
  • Reciprocal escalation: Where parents respond to aggression with increased authority or consequences, sometimes becoming aggressive themselves.
  • Complementary escalation: Where parents give in to threats or demands, leading to a lack of boundaries and potential manipulation.

2. Practical de-escalation strategies

• Avoid needless confrontations: Advise parents to pick their battles. Help them define which issues are non-negotiable and which can be set aside for now, reducing unnecessary power struggles.
• Say less: Teach parents that using fewer words can be powerful in moments of conflict. Suggest preparing a calm, consistent phrase (e.g., “I’ve said no”) and maintaining a quiet, supportive presence.
• Withstand provocation: Support parents in developing resilience to provocation. Encourage the use of internal mantras (e.g., “I will not be provoked”) to maintain composure during challenging moments.
• Strike when the iron is cold: Guide families to avoid addressing difficult behaviour in the heat of the moment. Recommend taking time to cool down and returning to the issue later, when everyone is calmer and more able to listen and reflect.
• Self-regulation and self-care: Emphasise the importance of parents having a self-care plan. Discuss what helps them stay regulated and what triggers heightened responses, so they can better manage their own emotions.
• Use support networks: Encourage parents to seek support from friends, relatives, colleagues, or their social worker. Remind them that being well-supported themselves enables them to better support their child.
• Show unconditional care: Reinforce the message that love and care should be shown even when a child’s behaviour is challenging. Suggest small gestures of care, such as making a favourite meal or inviting the child for a walk, to demonstrate ongoing support and connection.

3. Further Resources

For more information on NVR and de-escalation, social workers and families can visit:

Information on NVR for Parents – PartnershipProjects UK